3:01 AM lozenges order request caught on tape

WARNING: SATIRE ALERT: BOCA RATON, FL – The following is an exclusive transcript of the explosive dialogue that has resulted in a formal reprimanding of Dr. Ann Hedonia by hospital administrators:

What’s the daily max limit on lozenges?NURSE: “Hello?”
DOCTOR: “Yes, this is Dr. Ann Hedonia.  I was paged?”
NURSE: “Are you on call tonight?
DOCTOR: “Yes.”
NURSE: “Were you sleeping?”
DOCTOR: “Yes.”
NURSE: “Are you covering for patient Phleming in room 205?”
DOCTOR: “Yes.”
NURSE: “He is complaining of a tickle in his throat.”
DOCTOR: “Okay.”
NURSE: “He is requesting lozenges.”
DOCTOR: “Okay.”
NURSE: “I need a doctor order.”
DOCTOR: “Okay.”
NURSE: “How many lozenges?”
DOCTOR: “1 to 2.”
NURSE: “Frequency?”
DOCTOR: “Q 1 hour.”
NURSE: “Scheduled or prn”
DOCTOR: “prn.”
NURSE: “Maximum daily dose?”
DOCTOR: “There’s a maximum?”
NURSE: “I don’t know.  You are the doctor.  48 lozenges in a day seems like a lot.”
DOCTOR: “[inaudible]….OKAY, FINE… 20 LOZENGES MAXIMUM!”
NURSE: “Doctor, the pharmacy only carries Cepacol lozenges.  The patient is requesting to use his own Halls lozenges that he brought from home.”
DOCTOR: “OKAY!”
NURSE: “So I can take that down as an order for the pharmacy to reconcile his own home lozenges?”
DOCTOR: “YES! IS THAT ALL?!!”
NURSE: “Wait, doctor….”
DOCTOR: “WHAT?!”
NURSE: “I have to read back the order to you now.”
DOCTOR: “[expletive] MY [expletive]!!!” [dial tone]
End transcript.
When contacted via telephone by GomerBlog to comment about the released transcript and her abusive behavior towards the nursing staff, Dr. Ann Hedonia responded as follows:
“I can’t believe this is an issue.  Can somebody explain to me why a physician’s order is even required for lozenges?!  Shouldn’t we be leaving lozenges on patient’s pillows like mints in a hotel room?  Is there a year-long ENT fellowship for lozenge dispensation?”
“Are lozenges a controlled substance?!  Does the DEA require the use of triplicate prescription pads to write for outpatient lozenge use?!  Are lozenges addictive?!  Are there patients out there in lozenge rehab?!  Is there a national epidemic of patients presenting to ERs suffering from lozenge overdoses?!  Are there drug mules smuggling lozenges across the border?!  Is there a nefarious bloodthirsty lozenge cartel reigning over the black market for lozenges on the street?!  WHAT THE [expletive] IS GOING ON HERE?!?!”
Dr. Hedonia became more infuriated when asked about reports regarding angry responses to pages by nurses for official order requests for other miscellaneous items, such as Ensure supplements, warm compresses, clean sheets, and air mattress hospital beds.
Due to the explosive conversation, nurses can’t wait until the clock chimes 3 AM in order to page Dr. Hedonia for more lozenges.  “It’s the highlight of my night shift,” said an anonymous nurse.